The child of narcissistic parents and in particular a narcissist mother is unable to cope with the ugly feelings that threaten to erupt and destroy the bond between him and his mother, the bond he depends on for survival.
Is caretaker of the child’s earliest years, is grandiose, chronically cold but overprotective. She invades her child’s autonomy. She manipulates him to conform to her wishes rejecting all about him that she finds objectionable.
This leaves him in the anxiety-ridden position of losing her affection if he expresses dissatisfaction. She responds to his baby rages and fussing with anxiety, anger, or withdrawal. A narcissist disagreed with tends to either attack or withdraw.
She rules the emotional atmosphere of her home establishing an airtight reality from which her children have little chance of escaping. The habit of agreeing with the parent becomes ingrained. The child has rejection as its birth-right.
Mothers with emotional disturbances, such as narcissism, Borderline Disorder, OCD, anxiety, depression or autism, may be only peripherally aware of the child's very existence and incapable of paying attention to his needs.
The child of a narcissistic mother develops a false or grandiose self. This allows him to relate to his mother in a way that is acceptable to her withdrawing into grandiose fantasies to shield himself from profound feelings of unworthiness caused by the fact that his mother does not really love him.
The lack of love – will create emotional handicaps for the child. Not all of this damage can be reversed, since the brain patterns and chemical makeup of neglected and abused children are different from well-loved children.
The narcissistic mother rejects all about her child that she finds objectionable, putting him in the anxiety-ridden position of losing her affection if he expresses dissatisfaction.
Children of narcissists usually do not know their abilities because the parents’ responses interfered with their unfolding. Often the child does not get into something of personal interest. An overachiever may do things important to her parent but not to herself.
Many so-called “successful” children of narcissists have weak egos and do little outside of given margins because success is too important to venture into the unknown.
As a child, the narcissist-to-be found his essential self-rejected by his narcissistic parent. The wounds of the parent are a template for the wounding of the child. Each narcissistic parent in each generation repeats the crime that was perpetrated against him. The crime is non-acceptance.
If we have never known or experienced reciprocity in interpersonal relationships we are not alone - we feel emotionally disconnected. Our feelings were never validated in life by other people. We feel alienated.
