Beyond - Now and Forever

The Power of Now

Mindfulness

This is not to deny that you may encounter intense inner resistance to disidentifying from your pain.

This will be the case particularly if you have lived closely identified with your emotional pain-body for most of your life and the whole or a large part of your sense of self is invested in it.

In that case, unconscious fear of losing your identity will create strong resistance to any disidentification.

In other words, you would rather be in pain — be the pain-body — than take a leap into the unknown and risk losing the familiar unhappy self.

Observe the attachment to your pain.

Observe the peculiar pleasure you derive from being unhappy.

Observe the compulsion to talk or think about it.

The resistance will cease if you make it conscious.

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The Observer Self

Quotes

Perhaps the single most important idea to keep in mind for a recovering narcissist is to be cognizant of where the self ends, and another human being begins.

Exercise greater consideration for other people’s existence, thoughts, and feelings.

When making requests, ask instead of giving orders or presuming that you know best. Awareness and vigilance are necessary here, for narcissists are often good at asking manipulatively to get what they want.

Ask not with leading but open questions. Give space for the other person to exercise free choice. Respect the choice, even if it’s not what you want every time.

A good way to measure is whether people are as happy after receiving what you deliver as when you initially promised, and whether they like your substance enough to repeat the interaction again.

As a narcissist increases in self-awareness, there may be an accompanying sense of regret or remorse at the damage she or he has done in life, both to herself and to others. One may think of oneself as a “bad” person and wallow in guilt.

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Eckhart Tolle

Quotes

When you lose touch with your inner stillness, you lose touch with yourself. When you lose touch with yourself, you lose yourself in the world.

If you get the inside right, the outside will fall into place.

We have a treasure within that is infinitely greater than anything the world has to offer.

Wherever you are, be there totally Wherever you are, be there totally. If you find your here and now intolerable and it makes you unhappy, you have three options: remove yourself from the situation, change it, or accept it totally.

The beginning of freedom is the realization that you are not 'the thinker'. The moment you start watching the thinker, a higher level of consciousness is activated. You then realize there is a vast realm of intelligence beyond thought, that thought is only a tiny aspect of that intelligence. You also realize that the things that truly matter -- beauty, love, creativity, joy, inner peace -- arise from beyond the mind. You begin to awaken.

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Eckhart Tolle

Living in the present

Live in the present moment like you have chosen it

Realize deeply that the present moment is all you ever have. Make the Now the primary focus of your life.

Whatever the present moment contains, accept it as if you had chosen it. Always work with it, not against it.

If you were truly conscious of it, the pattern would dissolve, for to want more pain is insanity, and nobody is consciously insane.

End the delusion of time. Time and mind are inseparable. Remove time from the mind and it stops — unless you choose to use it.

Firstly, because it is the only thing. It’s all there is. The eternal present is the space within which your whole life unfolds, the one factor that remains constant. Life is now. There was never a time when your life was not now, nor will there ever be. Secondly, the Now is the only point that can take you beyond the limited confines of the mind. It is your only point of access into the timeless and formless realm of Being.

Since ancient times, spiritual masters of all traditions have pointed to the Now as the key to the spiritual dimension.

Suffering needs time; it cannot survive in the Now.

So, break the old pattern of present-moment denial and present-moment resistance. Make it your practice to withdraw attention from past and future whenever they are not needed.

Be present as the watcher of your mind — of your thoughts and emotions as well as your reactions in various situations.

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Acceptance

Not control

Nobody can even have an argument with you, no matter how hard he or she tries. You cannot have an argument with a fully conscious person. An argument implies identification with your mind and a mental position, as well as resistance and reaction to the other person's position.

To substitute acceptance for control is the solution. It will take all the drama away. Acceptance is power and control can always go array, things don’t go according to plan. But if we accept things the way they are then we have the true measure of things.

I think about how weak and reactionary control makes us in comparison to acceptance of what is – it is what it is and that’s it.

It is simply that we need to accept ourselves not control ourselves. When we do that all questions are answered. It is the root of dysfunction.

You don't want what you've got, and you want what you haven't got.

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Breakthroughs

Bipolar truths revealed.

The names changed but the pain remained the same.

People who are not allowed to work through their emotional issues develop mental illness. Bereavement and abuse are the principal causes of mental illness.

The addiction is long gone and with it many wrong beliefs. This strengthens my universal philosophy so I can comfortably explore my fears.

Bipolar psychosis was my so-called telepathy.

Suicidal feelings were part of my grief, part of my unprocessed loss; very dark very deep feelings.

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More about

Truths revealed.

I think Jung’s advice is the best. Live every moment to the fullest as if you are going to live forever.

I am not afraid of bipolar anymore. It doesn’t scare me.

The most important decision we make is whether we believe we live in a friendly or hostile universe.

As always with my situation I can manage the problem. But I can’t resolve the problem. Whatever broke in 1997 is not fixable. I always strive for resolution but struggle to accept management.

Reflection has a tempering effect. It tempers the king of the world. If only I had a more reflective moments in 1997, I would surely have put the brakes on my runaway train. So, I can see I need these times to slow me down.

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Prophetic

Truths revealed.

Brian comes first because he is the first emotion of loss. Everything is layered on top of him. My predictions are based on that.

What would life be like if I truly let Brian go? I don’t even know because I never have. This would be a first. And what would life be like then? I can only imagine. I think that’s what I am waiting for.

My manic self was based on the belief that Brian was alive. I made conditions certain things have to happen. Or I had to go places. The climax of all episodes is I discover that Brian is dead. And that stimulates a reset and the cycle starts again. Now I am permanently in an episode. I am not afraid.

What I needed was a stable identity. Teaching is something I like to do. Success is liking yourself, liking what you do and liking how you do it. [Angelou]

Childhood trauma is one of the most common types of trauma that can contribute to the development of narcissism. Childhood trauma can take many different forms, including physical, emotional, and sexual abuse, neglect, and abandonment.

I am a peacock I get inflated look at my wonderful feathers. That’s why I need the down time. Otherwise, I will come off the rails without it. So soulful is good. I need it. With tempering there is no manic. That’s why I don’t get manic. I stay within my limits.

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Narcissistic females

Everywhere

Dealing with a person who plays the victim. Never takes responsibility for her actions. It's exhausting to listen to her endless tales of woe. She refuses to change anything. She may be depressed or no confidence or self-esteem.

Listen with empathy, but don’t let yourself get involved into the drama. Not talking and not getting emotional will help.

Remember that her behavior is not real. It is just her way of getting pity or to justifying what she is saying.

Don’t volunteer to be her saviour. You won’t be able to change the situation because she enjoys playing the role of the victim and will not want to change anything

Set time boundaries. No more than 5 minutes. Put your needs first. Excuse yourself and leave.

Change the topic. Redirect the conversation to something more positive and neutral.

Never apologize.

Create distance. Take a break from the relationship.

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My struggle with narcissism

All my life

All of my life I have struggled with narcissim

Born into a very religious home with many traumas I developed a co-narcissistic messanic style. I became my parents burden bearer.

I thought I was responsible for how everyone felt. I put my needs to one side adding to the messanic delusion.

I analysed other people based on how they made me feel - my variations in self-esteem.

Because of my narcissism I felt I was responsible for everyone else and I was at the center of everything.

So, it is the end of the road for my guiding mentors. My guiding mentors were Brian and Dad. Now I am my own mentor.

Hope is ethereal it is out of this world. It is the x factor. For all my analytical researches I didn’t find hope in any of it. It adds up to nothing.

Life is not the sum of its parts. There is more. Without hope we all despair

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